Plastic
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Set at the end of 'Titan Rising'. Terra muses on being the wolf in sheep's clothing.


Plastic

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters.  I suppose since I did one about the end of 'Terra' I should do one about the end of 'Titan Rising' although I don't like it as much as 'Terra'.  See what you think.

            The pillow under my head is a soft and welcomed change from what I'm used to.  After living in caves, shacks, abandoned buildings, and sometimes nowhere at all it's nice to simply have a place to live.  The tower's nice but it isn't really home though.  I'd like for it to be but then again nothing's the way I'd like for it to be.

            I stare up at the ceiling.  They put those little, glow-in-the-dark stars all over my ceiling.  It looks beautiful at night with the lights completely off.  It reminds me of nights I used to spend sleeping outside and looking up at the real stars.  The real stars.  Yes, these stars are simply plastic, fake imitations.  My eyes narrow.  Fake stars for a room that doesn't really belong to me because I'm a fake Titan.  I frown and feel a heaviness somewhere inside of me.

            Have you ever kept a secret from someone you cared about?  I'm sure you have.  People keep secrets all the time, big ones and little ones.  Maybe you cheated on an exam at school.  Maybe you've been sleeping around behind your significant other's back.  Maybe you keep a stash of dirty magazines under your bed or go over to your friend's house and do drugs when no one's home.  It's no big deal as long as nobody knows, right?  Keeping secrets is one of those nasty, little necessary evils of life.  We all do it.  After all, nobody can be completely honest with everyone, right?  Yeah, right.

            I sigh and roll over, done looking at the fake sky of my ceiling.  Sometimes I wonder how someone can keep something from the whole world.  You have to tell someone, especially if you know what you did was wrong.  The guilt just eats away at you.  It just gnaws at the pit of your stomach like a cancer.  It eats away at what's left of you.  You can't just forget about it though.  There's that little voice inside your head that pesters you and nags at you until you confess.  You can't just ignore that voice because the more you ignore your conscience the easier it is to lose it altogether.  That's something I don't even want to think about.

            There are a lot of things about this whole situation that are funny but you won't catch me laughing at them.  It's funny that now, when I'm stuck in between the rock and the hard place, that I'm not only all alone as usual but it's my own decisions that got me in this mess in the first place.  Funny how you always see your mistakes the exact moment it's too late to undo them.  It's too late for me.  I know that now.  I have made my choice, poor and ill informed though it may be.  Now things are set in motion and I can't do anything to stop them.

            Fake Titan.  I used to love to play pretend when I was a little kid.  The idea of being someone else fascinated me, I guess.  It was nice to be someone else, someone who had a lot more and was way better off than me.  A princess, a queen, a movie star, a supermodel; I would pretend I was anything just so long as I wasn't plain, old Tara that nobody wanted to be friends with.  It's strange to find that now when I'm pretending to be a superhero, playing make-believe isn't all it's cracked up to be anymore.  Maybe that's because nobody else knows I'm pretending.  It's no fun to play by yourself after all.  I should know.  Maybe I don't like this game because of who I have to pretend for, who I have to lie to.  I like the Titans, really.  It's so hard to trust people though.  I guess I can understand why they didn't trust me.  To be honest for once, they shouldn't trust me.  I'm just a cheap, fake hero.  I don't deserve any of this.  Can't they tell it's all a lie?  Can't they tell they're going to get hurt?  I feel the tears running down my cheeks.  I'm a liar, a damn liar!  I don't want this anymore.  I don't want anyone to be nice to me.  I don't deserve it.  God, please don't make me hurt these people.  I love them like a family.

            I roll over and stare at my ceiling again.  Star light, star bright.  Wish I may, wish I might, please grant this wish I make tonight.  I wish with all my heart something would happen and things would all work out differently.  I really am stupid.  Wishing to a bunch of fake stars won't fix anything.  I begin to sob now.  I can't keep up the act forever.  They'll all find out sooner or later.  I'm the Judas, the traitor.  Sooner or later they'll know because after awhile they'll get curious, suspicious.  If they look real hard they'll see right through me.  Then all they'll see is a fake, phony, plastic Titan.


End file.
